Greetings, jerks, and welcome to Chapter 2 of Tales of The JEC. Bet you're glad you kept those onions peeled because we've got some jerkin' huge updates to share with you, starting with our experience at the Gourmet Escape (which we got you all excited and sweaty about in Chapter 1).
The Gourmet Escape is one of the fanciest, most prestigious culinary festivals held in Western Australia. Every November, some of the best chefs — including world-renowned chef Marco Pierre White — and artisan producers get together to promote and share their products with national and international visitors, and this year, we jerks of the Jerk'E'Club set up stalls at both the Margaret River and Swan Valley events! It was a phenomenal turnout, and our delicious beef jerky was flying off the shelf almost faster than Dain and Chef Blake could handle on their own.
Friends were made, collaborations were born, puns were being thrown around like punches in a tavern brawl, and lessons were learnt! For instance, we should've brought MORE jerky. Once people got a taste of it, they turned into animals, devouring it by the kilos and stumbling between the marquees in a flavour-induced stupour. To put it in perspective, around 10,000 men and women between both events can now tell their friends and family that they've been jerked by the very best.
The Gourmet Escape was also the first time work and travel have collided for the Jerk'E'Club, but it won't be the last. As dried-beef overlords, we endeavour to spread our jerkin' service throughout the planet like a delicious, meaty plague!
They say fortune favours the bold, right? Well, fortune or fate (or Mel Gibson) was watching us with a smile at the Swan Valley Gourmet Escape, for it (or he) set us jerks up aside a pair of absolute sex machines, the Michael Brothers from Funk Cider. You could taste the chemistry in the air, and it quickly amounted to what can only be described as a mosh pit of puns. When the pundemonium had settled, hands were shaken and a tasty alliance was made.
Premium craft beef jerky and local cider — name a more iconic, or sexy, duo. Expect a Jerk'E'Club event at the Funk Cider cidery in the Swan Valley in the not-so-distant future. Clothes will be optional, though be sure to bring a towel.
While we're on collaborations, we've plenty more loaded in the pipe, waiting to be jerked. Like one we shouldn't tell you about, one that's top secret. What we can say is that it involves Pirate Life Brewing.
Your device will detonate when you finish reading this post.
We'd be real jerks if we didn't make up for our vague Pirate Life Brewing announcement without giving you something else to chew on. With that said, we're proud to announce our new BUBBLEGUM-flavoured gourmet craft beef jerky!
Ha! No, Chef Blake is actually in the final stages of conjuring up a new and daring gourmet beef jerky flavour which he promises to inspire a sort of "tastebud renaissance." Those little guys — your tastebuds — are going to be bursting off your tongue and crawling to our new "Zest Jerk" (lime and pepper) flavoured beef jerky before your fingers can commute it from the bag to your drooling maw.
Imagine it, though...
Esky of cold ones to your right, another filled with Zest Jerk to your left. You stretch out on your pool chair when the sun is highest in the sky, cooking like a Christmas ham. You neck a coldie, munch down a half-k of refreshing Zest Jerk. The citrus and pepper do the tango in your mouth, then Icehouse's Great Southern Land springs to life on your cement-caked DeWalt radio.
How's that for a perfect summer's day?
Reckon you're the biggest jerk around? We're also proud to announce "Jerk-of-the-Month!"
To prove that you jerk the hardest, all you have to do is share Jerk'E'Club-related content on Facebook and/or Instagram and tag the Jerk'E'Club in your post. The best post — and "best" doesn't necessarily mean the most liked — of each month will be handpicked by us, and the winner will receive a kilo of jerky and two Jerk'E'Club t-shirts!
We've also secured a fixed and fantastically festive pop-up in Warwick Grove Shopping Centre from December into the new year, so if you're looking for an up-close and intimate jerkin', get on ya horse and come pay us a visit. Just be sure that horse is pulling a cart because you won't be leaving empty-handed. It goes without saying that premium craft beef jerky makes the perfect Christmas gift. Not sure what to get your boss for that special day? Jerk them!
In Chapter 1, we spoke about our charity contributions. As of now, the Jerk'E'Club has contributed over $2000 to health, social, and environmental charities, and we're about to start contributing in the best way of all, by donating our leftover meat to the RSPCA and feeding all sorts of animals — dogs, sea snakes, and narwhals, to name a few — in animal shelters!
That's where we'll close the storybook for tonight, jerks.
Keep your onions peeled for more chapters of Tales of The JEC. We look forward to jerkin' you all.
"The Jerks You Can Trust"
Written by Nick Petrou (Author/Jerk)
Nick Petrou writes and edits blog posts and articles on games, travel, and more. With a background in science, his research skills are keen, and with the smile that’s ever on his face, you can bet that he’s a pleasure to work with. Learn more about Nick on his website.