Updated: Feb 28
Come sit on our lap, big jerks and small
And hark here to the best tale of all
Of friends and festivities
And brand new activities
And fresh tasty jerky bedecking the hall
Yes, Jerk'E'Club jerky for short jerks and tall
'Tis perfect for sharing
And no need to be sparing
There's plenty of jerky and cheer for all
Just bring in your stocking or give us a call
Welcome, jerks, to this short and candy-cane-sweet third chapter of Tales of The JEC. It's a busy time of year, and we're sure you have coldies and eggnog to down and premium craft beef jerky to chew into a bolus and swallow, so let's hop to it!
We're proud to announce the very first 'Jerk-of-the-Month', Zya! Remember, all you have to do to win a kilo of jerky and two Jerk'E'Club t-shirts is share or send us Jerk'E'Club-related content on Facebook and/or Instagram and tag the Jerk'E'Club in your post.
Next up, our Warwick pop-up has been a colossal success, but don't curl into the fetal position and weep, thinking you missed out. We'll be plying you with jerky out of Warwick Grove Shopping Centre till the 29th of December, and, as we pass into a new year and era of jerk-tastic escapades, we'll be popping up at shopping centres, markets, festivals, and other events all through WA. Our end goal, remember, is to spread to every corner of the planet (because it's clearly flat), jerking absolutely everyone we encounter on the way.
As for our new "Zest Jerk" (lime and pepper) beef jerky flavour, Chef Blake is a perfectionist, and it has yet to pass his rigorous, mad-scientist-esque trials. Expect to hear more about this in the near year, atop plenty more weird and wonderful culinary creations.
Come 2020, our packaging is getting a complete makeover, for both the purposes of high-end meat fashion and environmental sustainability. After months of scouring the oh-so flat planet, we found a 100% eco-friendly and completely sealable packaging alternative for our premium craft beef jerky. That's something you can get around with more ferocity than Michael Bublé's Christmas album.
New year, new, even more environmentally sustainable jerks.
Our biggest goal of 2020, however, is to get Jerk'E'Club jerky into bottleshops, bars, and grocery stores like IGA or Farmer Jack's — essentially, loyal jerks, we're going after a wholesale license! We're setting the bar high, aiming to have our products on the counters and shelves of 20 to 30 bottleshops, bars, and grocery stores by this time next year. Let's hope next December's holiday poem is as jerkin' good as this one, right?
We're all about breaking the mould and being all-round good blokes and bloke-ettes here at the Jerk'E'Club. It's part of Australian culture, our culture. In January, we'll be announcing something true blue Aussie — our first limited-edition flavour, a bold but befitting triumph of flavour, just in time for Australia Day. It'll blow your jerkin' mind and knock the Bush Chook right out of your hand.
To wrap this up (hmm, I'm sure there was a Christmas pun in there somewhere), thank you for your unyielding support and generous donations. From everyone at the Jerk'E'Club, have a Merry jerkin' Christmas and a ball-tearer New Years. 2020 is going to be monumental for us all.
That's where we'll close the storybook for tonight, jerks.
Keep your onions peeled for more chapters of Tales of The JEC. We look forward to jerkin' you all.
"The Jerks You Can Trust"
Written by Nick Petrou (Author/Jerk)
Nick Petrou writes and edits blog posts and articles on games, travel, and more. With a background in science, his research skills are keen, and with the smile that’s ever on his face, you can bet that he’s a pleasure to work with. Learn more about Nick on his website.