Welcome back Jerks! February has been a hard, huge month for us. We've been jerkin' nonstop, building it up for a massive release in around two weeks time — Australia-wide shipping, and the ball-tearing advertising campaign preceding it. Well, if we're honest, we've been letting out some pre-jerks, testing the waters by shipping our premium craft beef jerky in our new state-of-the-art packaging to several cities/regions, and the feedback has been just phenomenal. We've jerked Melbourne, Sydney, the Gold Coast, and Karratha, just to name a few, and the rest of the nation is on its knees, begging for a taste of our homemade spice.
How, by Iva Davies mullet, were we able to pull this off? Well, our new packaging traps the freshness of our high-quality product inside, and it earned us the stamp of approval for said Aus-wide shipping. This is one tremendous step forward for us and a jerkin' leap for humankind. The Jerk'E'Club can fly, fellow jerks, and not even the sweltering wastes between the cities of the land down under can stop us now.
As for our new eco-friendly packaging itself, it doesn't need to be refrigerated, though we highly recommend you wack it in the fridge — assuming there's any jerky left — after you open the packet. This ensures your meat remains moist and generally fresh for as long as possible, and, as you loyal jerks out there attest, there's nothing better than loading your mouth with moist, fresh, spicy meat. Really, the last thing we need to do before we can make your jerkin' dreams a hot reality is iron out the presentation. We want our shipped product to look as sexy as it does before it leaves our headquarters in Scarborough, WA.
Speaking of packaging, we've also changed the sizing of our bags to remain in keeping with our low environmental footprint policy. From now on, if you order 500gs, for instance, you'll receive it in a packet made to fit 500gs, not 500gs split between several smaller packets. No more pushing a baby pram into our HQ and loading it with meat baggies. No waste. No BS. That's right, we're weeding out all the BS and streamlining your jerking process.
In other news, we've also updated "Our Story" on the homepage of the Jerk'E'Club website and on our packaging. It's short, but you know what they say — it's not size that matters, it's how you use it. If you want to grasp the essence of our tale in just five flavoursome sentences, be sure to check that out next time you get your ravenous claws on a packet of our jerky. It's a story that will be passed down by campfire light through the ages, just like our recipes, father to son, mother to daughter, and you must never forget that you, fellow jerk, are a part of it.
It's been a belter of a summer, but she's on her last legs, and we're already preparing hearty, warm flavours for the colder Netflix-and-chill months. As we mentioned in the previous chapter, one of these includes a new limited-edition flavour that will send you on a journey back through time. We'll say no more for now, but we will say that you'll have to change your jocks after we make the announcement. It's literally that exciting. As for our first limited flavour, The Mitey Jerk, we've stretched "limited" out to meet your insatiable demand, and it will remain available for just a little longer.
Finally, there's no better way to show your mates you appreciate them than jerkin' them. By the end of next month, you'll receive a complimentary "Jerk-A-Friend" gift card with every order, which you can slip it into your mate's pocket. A short while after they jump online and submit their email address, they'll receive a unique coupon entitling them to five Dollarydoos off their very first jerkin'. We highly recommend you be there for that magical moment, and if you and a few of your mates want to jerk all at once, we cannot recommend the circle formation enough.
That's where we'll close the storybook for tonight, jerks.
Keep your onions peeled for more chapters of Tales of the JEC. We look forward to jerkin' you all.
"The Jerks You Can Trust"
Written by Nick Petrou (Author/Jerk)
Nick Petrou writes and edits blog posts and articles on games, travel, and more. With a background in science, his research skills are keen, and with the smile that’s ever on his face, you can bet that he’s a pleasure to work with. Learn more about Nick on his website.