Updated: 20 hours ago
It's straight-up insane to think that, a little over a year ago, the Jerk'E'Club was but one of perhaps thousands of swimming, wriggling ideas striving to impregnate the membrane of reality and grow into a living, breathing thing. Forgive us for the grade seven sex education PTSD flashback, but this day marks nothing less than our one year birthday, and we're bloody excited -- bursting at the bloody seams!
And what a first year of existence it's been! Looking at where we started (exchanging high to low-quality puns in the dark), to say we're proud of where we're at now is a tragic understatement. In 365 days, we've gone from unlabelled 100-gram sandwich baggies to gorgeous sustainable packaging worthy of even the most prestigious shelves. In 365 days, we've gone from one single but no less delicious flavour of jerky to a range of over ten flavours, averaging a ripper new flavour every six weeks. In 365 days, we've gone from jerking just Perthians and Aussies in 50kms of Perth to jerking hard and fast the entire nation. What an achievement! And especially for that last one, it's safe to say Russel Coight (AKA the Australian Dan Bilzerian) would be proud of us too. Of course, you helped turn our pipe dream into a reality, helped us squeeze it out of the pipe, and for that, we're eternally grateful.
Also, it just so happens that the end of our first year coincides with the end of the financial year, and that's a big thing for not just us but you as well. So take a seat, hold onto it with both hands, and get ready for a load of good and spicy news. Firstly, we've accumulated more than 3,000 big ones (dollarydoos) for charities over our birth year, and every single one of them will be delivered to some of Australia's most important charity organisations over the next few weeks! Secondly, our EOFY sale was just boonta, and we jerked the nation to unprecedented levels. And lastly, we're gonna be practically giving away a whole lot of our transcendently sticky and delectable beef jerky to a limited number of new Jerk'E'Club members in the not-so-distant future. This is a giveaway of monstrous proportions, but it's our way of saying thank you once again. So be sure to keep your onions (ears) peeled for more news about this one, or else you'll miss your chance to get your hands on our meat for a literal sliver of the cost.
While June marks the end of our first jerkin' year, don't think we'll be -- like your mate you haven't heard from since he snagged a misso -- settling down. If anything, we're speeding the Hugh Jackman up, using lessons learnt to charge headfirst into a bold and thrilling future. To be honest, our password-locked Girl Tech diary (how's that for a bit of nostalgia, eh?) is already chockers with ideas, some already set in motion. To name just a coupla, we'll be smashing out seasonal flavours and supporting community events, festivals, and local sporting teams, like our local retirement village's lawn bowls club or a local footy team. More on all this soon!
For now, that's where we'll close the storybook. Keep all three of your eyes peeled for more chapters of Tales of the JEC. We look forward to jerkin' you all.
"The Jerks You Can Trust"
Written by Nick Petrou (Author/Jerk)
Nick Petrou writes and edits scripts about World War II history and Star Wars for YouTube as well as blog posts and articles on video games, travel, and more. With the smile that's ever on his face, you can bet he's a pleasure to work with. Learn more about Nick on his website.